Monday, 24 October 2011
MUST READ: IMPORTANT
if you wanna see the whole blog do you know were at the right theres polls and u scroll down and theres blog archive click that then october and a number comes up click that and there you have it
This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"
The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."
Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.
Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"
Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"
The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."
Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.
Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house!"
Joe says, "Geez, doesn't anyone in your family love women?"
The man says, "Yeah, I just found out my wife does..."
The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."
Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.
Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"
Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"
The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."
Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.
Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house!"
Joe says, "Geez, doesn't anyone in your family love women?"
The man says, "Yeah, I just found out my wife does..."
Some Hillirouss jokes
Teacher:
Where were you born?
Hilarious Little Big Boy:
New York Sir
Teacher:
Which part?
Hilarious Little Big Boy:
All of me sir
Where were you born?
Hilarious Little Big Boy:
New York Sir
Teacher:
Which part?
Hilarious Little Big Boy:
All of me sir
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Why Men Are Happier (just kidding)
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Embarrassing Revenge
A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. “Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?“
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won‘t sleep with you tonight!“
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I‘m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I‘m a journalist and I‘ve got an assignment to study how people respo!“nd to embarrassing situations.“
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean two hundred dollars?!!
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won‘t sleep with you tonight!“
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I‘m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I‘m a journalist and I‘ve got an assignment to study how people respo!“nd to embarrassing situations.“
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean two hundred dollars?!!
Hell Isn't So Bad!!!!!!
A man dies and goes straight to hell for having lived a sinful life, and upon his arrival Satan asks him, "Do you like to drink?"
"Absolutely," says the man.
"Well, you'll love Thursdays then," says Satan. "All we do is drink beer, whiskey, vodka - anything you want. And you're dead, so there's no hangover."
"Sweet!" says the man.
"Do you like drugs? asks Satan. "Because it's same deal on Friday - all the drugs you can possibly take without any side effects."
"Awesome!" says the man. "There has to be some catch to all of this?"
"Not at all," says Satan. "You're gay, right?"
"No," says the man.
"Not even a little bit gay?" Satan asks.
"Not at all," says the man.
"Oh, well, then Saturdays are going to be a little rough!"
"Absolutely," says the man.
"Well, you'll love Thursdays then," says Satan. "All we do is drink beer, whiskey, vodka - anything you want. And you're dead, so there's no hangover."
"Sweet!" says the man.
"Do you like drugs? asks Satan. "Because it's same deal on Friday - all the drugs you can possibly take without any side effects."
"Awesome!" says the man. "There has to be some catch to all of this?"
"Not at all," says Satan. "You're gay, right?"
"No," says the man.
"Not even a little bit gay?" Satan asks.
"Not at all," says the man.
"Oh, well, then Saturdays are going to be a little rough!"
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